The Name Game
by Tathar
Summary: [Nonslash] A short vignette I posted originally on LJ. The Fellowship travels through Hollin, and Pippin is bored. Utterly silly.


A/N: The following is a vignette I posted on my LJ a while back, and IT'S ALL OBELIA MEDUSA'S FAULT!!! I claim no responsibility.

The Name Game

"I'm bored," announced Pippin loudly. "Hollin is too quiet and too dull and there's nothing to see."

The other hobbits groaned, while bringing up the rear with Gandalf, Aragorn remarked, "Well, at least we had a few hours of peace today. I didn't expect him to last this long." Gandalf merely sighed, having been acquainted with hobbits long enough to know that they would all be suffering shortly if Peregrin was not soon diverted. Fortunately, his cousins were also well aware of that fact.

"I prefer the quiet of Hollin to your moaning, Pip," said Merry unsympathetically, adjusting the straps of his pack which were beginning to chafe his shoulders. He was hungry, tired, and the fact that he secretly agreed with his cousin did not improve his temper.

"Please, Pippin," Frodo pleaded wearily, "complaining about it won't help. You'll have to think of something to pass the time. A game, maybe. Like… like…" He trailed off with a shrug and a shake of his head, too tired to come up with anything.

"What about a naming-game, Mr. Pippin," suggested Sam. "You're right good at that."

Pippin grinned. "Remind me to commend your Gaffer for naming you Samwise!" Sam blushed as several of the others chuckled despite themselves. "Perfect, a naming-game. Hmmm…" Pippin fell silent as he thought, oblivious to (or ignoring) the sighs of relief from the rest of the Fellowship.

A good ten minutes passed in complete silence, and Sam received several pats on the back for having come up with the idea that effectively quieted Pippin as the Company began to hope that he had forgotten about the game. Until, that is…

"Merry the Mumbling Mole!" volunteered Pippin suddenly.

"Oh, dear…" muttered Sam resignedly as the rest of the Fellowship suppressed groans of dismay.

"Merry the _Mole_, Peregrin?" questioned Frodo, raising an eyebrow.

"Hoy, I'm not sure I much care for that, nor for Mumbling!" protested Merry indignantly. "You thought for ten minutes and that was the best you could do?"

"Well, I'm sorry, cousin," retorted Pippin in a tone that showed him to be anything but repentant, "but unless you wanted to be called Merry the Mumbling Marigold, I couldn't come up with anything else that began with 'M.'"

Merry snorted. "Huh, I shudder to think what you'll come up with for everyone else's names," he scoffed. "I'll bet you my last apple that I can come up with better names than you."

Being a Took, Pippin could not resist a challenge. "Agreed!" he said. "But I must say, Merry, if I liked apples as much as you do, I shouldn't be so eager to give 'em away."

Merry scowled at him, thought for a minute or two, and then announced proudly: "Strider the Sword-wielding Squirrel!"

This aroused much discreet coughing and muffled chuckles from the Big People of the Fellowship, an indignant raise of the eyebrows from Aragorn, and involuntary giggles from the hobbits.

"Squirrel!" said Aragorn in dismay.

"You should have added 'scruffy,'" Pippin could not resist pointing out.

"And I'm not sure 'sword-wielding,' is a proper word," Frodo added, mouth twitching as he suppressed a smile.

"Let's hear a better name, then," said Merry defiantly, folding his arms.

"Very well, Merry the Mumbling Mole," retorted Aragorn promptly. "I give you Boromir the Brooding Badger."

Merry and Pippin tried not to laugh but failed entirely and Sam coughed into his sleeve.

"…Badger?" The other Man looked shocked for a moment but quickly retaliated. "Legolas the Leaping Lizard."

Now Sam and Frodo joined the younger hobbits in laughing helplessly, and Gimli gave an appreciative guffaw.

Legolas seemed unmoved. "Gimli the Grumbling Groundhog," he said coolly.

The hobbits were not the only ones laughing now, and there was even a bit of applause.

"Gandalf the Growling Grasshopper," Gimli shot back quickly.

The hobbits looked at the wizard expectantly.

Gandalf was silent for a long moment, face unreadable. Then: "Frodo the Fearless Falcon."

Frodo snorted at that but the other hobbits cheered. Frodo thought a moment, then replied with, "Samwise the Stouthearted Sparrow!"

This was received heartily, although Sam was blushing furiously as he laughed. "Your turn, Sam!" said Frodo smiling.

"Who do we have left?" asked Merry. "I think we've named everyone."

"Not quite everyone," corrected Aragorn, grinning. "There is still the matter of the one who started this game…"

All eyes turned to Pippin. He gulped nervously as mischievous grins formed on the faces of his companions.

"Sam shouldn't have all the fun with this one!" said Merry. "I want a go."

"As our most esteemed cousin _was_ the instigator of this game," said Frodo, and Pippin swallowed again upon seeing the telltale gleam in his eyes, "perhaps we should all be allowed a turn at naming him."

This was met with hearty agreement, and Frodo added, "But let Sam go first—he's not had a turn yet."

Merry clapped Sam on the shoulder. "Go on, Sam!"

It was difficult to tell who looked more nervous, Sam or Pippin. After a moment of thought, Sam finally volunteered, "Mr. Pippin the… the Playful P-Peacock."

There was approving laughter and Sam was able to relax. Pippin's sigh of relief was audible, but it was cut short as Merry spoke up.

"Lawks, Sam, you're too kind to him," he said, grinning. "Let me go next." He paused for a long moment, then took a deep breath. "Peregrin the Pathetic…"

"Pitiful," supplied Aragorn.

"Pert," added Boromir.

"Pigheaded," chimed in Frodo.

"Plucky," proposed Gimli, eyes twinkling.

"Plotting," said Legolas.

"…Pipsqueak!" finished Merry.

For a few minutes the resulting laughter and applause was too great for Pippin's protests to be heard, but when the din had subsided to occasional chuckles, he piped up indignantly.

"Oi, that's unfair, you all ganging up on me," he complained. "I should get to name you all now, by myself."

"You know it's all in fun, Pip," said Frodo, draping an arm over his disgruntled cousin's shoulders. "And you did deserve it."

Merry copied Frodo and slung an arm over Pippin's shoulders, grinning broadly as they walked at the front of the Company. "Did you ever!" he agreed. "Why, Mumbling Mole?"

Walking beside Gandalf, Boromir shook his head. "Hobbits," he said. "Are they always like this?"

Gandalf's eyes twinkled. "Worse, usually," he replied. "Especially when Tooks are involved."

They both chuckled as Pippin could be heard excitedly suggesting another naming-game. "Let's use all of Strider's names! Let's see, there's Aragorn, and Estel, and…" Aragorn protested halfheartedly, but within a few seconds Pippin was triumphantly demanding a complete list of the Ranger's various names.

Boromir smiled admiringly. "This will be an exhausting journey with that one along."

"Indeed," Gandalf agreed. "But he may prove quite useful, in the end. One should never travel without a Took…" He smiled as he heard Frodo laughing in response to one of Pippin's naming attempts. "…or a Baggins along."

The End


End file.
